I modernized four poems from four poets who wrote these poems so long ago that they can't get mad at me for butchering them.
A man said to the universe:
“Sir I exist!”
“However,” replied the universe,
“The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation.”
-Stephen Crane circa 1870
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A woman said to the universe:
“Hello!? I exist!!!!!”
“...”
“😡”
*still waiting for the universe to text back*
-Stephen Crane circa 2016
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Idly she yawned, and threw her heavy hair
Across her flesh-filled shoulders, called the maid,
And slipped her sweet blonde body out of bed,
Searching her slippers in the wintry air.
-George Moore circa 1881
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Hastily she hit “Snooze,” and stuck a toothbrush
Inside her mouth, yelled for her child to get up,
And squeezed her love handles into a pantsuit,
Searching her keys in piles of laundry.
-George Moore circa 2016
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On a sheer peak of joy we meet;
Below us hums the abyss;
Death either way allures our feet
If we take on step amiss.
-Edith Wharton circa 1892
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Honestly I’ve been having so much fun with you;
But we both know where this is inevitably going;
I just feel like there’s no point
Since we’re all gonna die anyway, ya know?
-Edith Wharton circa 2016
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Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That’s all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you, and I sigh.
-W.B. Yeats circa 1916
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The more liquor I consume
The hotter you look;
I’m not gonna lie
We aren’t getting any younger
I lift the phone to my eyes,
I open Tinder to see if you’re nearby.
-W.B. Yeats circa 2016
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